but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
