mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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