he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
