and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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