So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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