The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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