Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
