i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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