god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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