I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
