ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
