sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I party with great urgency now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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