My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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