I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
