She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
