oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
