You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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