she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize