I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
