There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
