You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
