im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
