I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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