I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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