dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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