I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
