why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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