Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
