all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
