have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
