1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize