I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
