In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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