If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
