I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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