remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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