I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
COCAINE IS GR8
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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