I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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