walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
