Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
