if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
