i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
