The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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