she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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