i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
