Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
