Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
