god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
