She said her name was "party"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
