she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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