I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just invented taco cereal.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
try to milk me bitch
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
