you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
