I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
