you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
