you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
