I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
