i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
