tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
